Friday, May 11, 2012

One Step Forward... Two Steps Back

I'm going to start this post off by addressing my last post. I think it definitely shocked a lot of people both in a good way and a bad way. You have to understand a person can only hold so much information in until they want to explode!! While on most days I feel like we're alone in our battle, we most certainly are not. This affects our family, friends and my mood on any given day. Also for those who know me really well, I'm not one to not share. I love learning from others and getting different points of view on any given subject. With that said I definitely shared a lot of information and mentioned some things about Eric. So to clear the air, yes Eric knew I was creating this blog, did he read it, no, but by choice. I explained that I would respect his privacy and only say what I need to, to get my point across. While Eric's condition isn't the best, we're certainly not looking for donors folks! :0) It takes two to make a baby, my issues are his and his are mine.

Moving forward... on Tuesday May 8th we had our first appointment with the fertility specialist. Upon turning in all of my paper work (12 pages) Eric and I quickly discovered with the receptionist that I don't have infertility coverage with my insurance. While I had a feeling that was the case, my heart went into my stomach. Since I work in the medical field, I knew this was going to be expensive. Eric immediately noticed my panic and simply said, we're here, we might as well see what the Dr. has to say. I kept thinking, I'm going to lose it before I even make it through the doors. Luckily I held it together! Dr. Uhler is very nice, as Eric says, she talks very quickly but she's very knowledgeable! After discussing our medical history / records we came up with a game plan that we were all comfortable with. Eric will being seeing a Urologist next Tuesday for a consultation and in the mean time we're supposed to get a complete blood work up. A complete blood work up for me would be over $2,000, yep, believe it! Thankfully I've had a majority of the tests done already and while I haven't added up the new cost, it's still not cheap. When all of that is done and we've hopefully addressed everything on Eric's side we'll be ready for our IUI (artificial insemination). During that cycle (June or July) I will start on Clomid again and will be monitored by ultrasounds to see how many follicles I produce. Once it's time for me to ovulate I will be given a "trigger shot" of HCG which triggers the release of an egg. When the time is right Eric's sample will be collected, they will isolate the good sperm, wash them and concentrate them. then they will be inserted into my uterus. The idea behind IUI's is it places the sperm right where it needs to be to meet up with an egg. It eliminates the traveling, which believe it or not isn't a short distance. If I'm able to release more than one egg, our chances of conceiving are of course higher.

Now that the biology course is over.. (aren't you glad you're more knowledgeable on the subject!?) we can move on. Yes, the name of this post is One Step Forward... Two Steps Back. Allow me to explain. Any fertility treatments are not cheap, especially when you are considered a self pay patient. ONE IUI is about $1,800, granted when I was trying to add the numbers in my head and I saw this on paper I honestly thought, well that isn't so bad. Now remember, add the cost of the blood work roughly $1,000 and then Eric's appointment and treatment which is undetermined right now.... things start to add up quickly! For the past couple of days I've been thinking things over and over... can you really put a cost on starting a family?, if things work out well with Eric maybe we can continue trying naturally? Do I just bite the bullet and try it once? So many thoughts and not enough answers. Again, feeling slightly defeated, but reminding myself the battle has just begun!

Here is where I am with things currently... I'm going to support Eric's journey as he has supported mine when I went through my HSG and praying for excellent results! Once that piece of the puzzle is in place I think we'll be able to make a much better decision and plan to move forward. My gut is saying everything will work in our favor and hopefully we'll be able to try naturally for two months with some assistance and if worse comes to worse we do one IUI. Despite the battle and bad news along the way, I'm determined to keep a positive attitude during our journey!

To end this post I would like to share a story from my life this week. Our receptionist at work, Luba has a daughter who lost her job right when I started in December. She would share with me her daughters struggles to find a new job and how she would go on interviews to only be disappointed when they hired someone else. I would tell Luba that she just didn't find the right job yet, but it would come along, stay positive and it will happen. She would leave our conversation with, "Girl, if you pray, send one up for me!" This week her daughter had an interview and she was so nervous and swore it was the perfect job. She gave a presentation in front of 7 men (she's in marketing) talk about nerve wrecking! While driving into work one morning I decided to pray. I thought there are so many people praying for Eric and I these days, I need to start returning the favor. I told God that I hoped she would find a new job soon or at the very least point her in the right direction. Today Luba told me that her daughter got the job and couldn't be happier. The first thing that came out of my mouth was "Girl, I prayed for you!" and the smile on her face was priceless, she was so happy and touched. My Dad told me that prayer doesn't work like most people think... prayers don't make things happen, they set the conditions right so YOU can make things happen. Today made me realize and understand that prayers are the strength you need when you're most afraid, the courage you need when you think you can't go any further and the hope you need to believe that dreams can be a reality. Thank you to all of you who send a few up for us, even though I don't hear them, I feel them everyday!

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